A Character In The Play

A Character In The Play

I've always been the underdog before the giant.  Honesty, I was never the one running to it bravely, I lacked courage, I always feared.  I was the one shrinking away, trembling, anxious, fearing for my life, nervous about my future, about this empire I built day by day. I was on the attack when no one came to rescue me.

Then, I realized it was never about me. I wasn't the anointed one to rescue the army of the LORD from the enemy since I was but a soldier with my heart melting within me, wandering if I was going to even make it out of this. I had to wait for Him to enter my life, to transform my story into one of victory. For what seemed an eternity, I hoped this was not the end and a knight in shining armor or a real King would arrive.  For God’s sake, someone had to make a sacrifice on my behalf, one which would rise to God as a pleasant aroma.

It was never about me. I disobeyed, was stubborn, idolatrous to the core, worse than my ancestors. I was a control freak who could not even control my life or what I ate for dinner.  I’m just being real.  I lied, walked on dirt roads, cast my pearls to pigs.  I reached not for excellence but for every bit of knowledge, every forbidden fruit.  Worse, I did it all to please people, to honor them, and it was not even about me.  I did it for their recognition, the applause, and the love I felt I was missing so badly. I wanted them to see me as great, a leader, a fighter, one not afraid to sacrifice for them or even die for their cause because I am no quitter and I don’t promise and renege, even when I know they lied and were never loyal.

God Himself had to pull me out of that dreadful pit, otherwise I would have died there.  My family would have mourned and perhaps never know my real cause of death: not a heart that stopped beating but exploded from too much love never ventilated or reciprocated, not by the ones I needed it from.   But I was dead wrong and although this was the route I willingly took, God had other plans for my life. That's why more than save my life, I had to die, my body laid on the pyre of my dreams, aspirations, and conquests. A whole burnt offering, a sweet fragrance, an aroma unto Him. 

This was done not to sacrifice me like Molech swallow the children dedicated to him.  This was most necessary.  Because when the enemy returned, looking for the carcass of the victim he wounded to death, all he would find was ashes, not what he expected. No matter the deception or my self-perception, the false sense of security, or the temptation to self-aggrandizement, I had to lay down and die. I had to lay down my crown, my kingdom, my legacy – it all had to die so I could live again.

My life could no longer mirror selfishness, greed, envy, jealousy, vanity – a waste of time. Instead, my life would mirror true nobility, humility, grace; a light shining brighter than the sun, a life rising gloriously from death and the grave. My life had to be laid down to the grown like a seed made alive to feed the many, no longer self-centered but focused on caring for others. Not obsessed with self-preservation but living to pour out into as many as I can.  At last, not desiring a blessing, but desiring that through me, many shall be blessed.

 That is the true scene of the promise, the labor, and the burden I carry. That is the real sacrifice, the one that rises as a sweet aroma to God, a fragrance He finally accepts and does not reject. He looks not at the blood shed unjustly, but at a better word.   And this is the only reason why my record of wrongs was expunged, although I readily judged and condemned.

This is my story, my testimony. A story borrowed at best, simply a copy of the original masterpiece, the image I am commissioned to reflect as accurately as possible. My prayer is to do it so seamlessly that looking at me would someday feel like looking at Him.

Let it be so!